Wow, it's been such a long time since I last posted onto my LJ. 0 posts in 2011. My laziness has been really holding me back. Many things happened last year, but no note of it in my LJ. I won't promise that I will write more. I never wrote in it a lot in the first place. I won't forget it this time though.
I'm making this first post in the new year to note a very happy news. I've been hiding under a rock, so I didn't realize that two bills, SOPA and PIPA, were being put through. I only heard about it the day before and looked into what they were about. I got scared and real nervous about it passing. The point of them aren't bad. Fighting against piracy is a good thing, but they way they're going about it in a bad way. These two bills actually could be used to attack libraries! As soon as I could I sent out an email against it. Today, Congress dropped those two bills. Congratulations, everyone!
Piracy is bad. No matter what excuse, but I can't help be an advocate for it. Sort of. I see the harm in illegally downloading movies that came out and are in print. I'm against that. I don't see the harm in downloading an out of print movie, that no one Hollywood cares or even remembers about.
I just downloaded the movie Lili. It stars Leslie Carson and came out in 1953. You can't really buy this movie. It's out of print. The only way to buy this is if you're willing to spend about $200 on Amazon.com or Ebay. None of that $200 is going to the ones who made the movie. It's pure profit for the person selling the movie. Situations like this, I just don't see the harm and are for piracy.
Below are the links that explain PIPA and SOPA. I didn't explain those two bills in my post, because I would have done a terrible job. Many others did a better job at it.
I'm feeling depressed and scared. I messed up big time at B. I can point fingers at others and make dozens of excuses, but ultimately it's my fault. It's my responsibility to make sure all my training is all set and all the paper work gets through.
I don't want to take responsibility for this. I want to blame someone else. I don't want to get fired. I'm scared. What else can I do? It's no one else fault but my own. I knew it would come and bite me in the ass. I should have been more clear and stood up for myself.
How long will I keep on living like this? Making one careless mistake after another? When will I get my act together and how? I've such a narrow focus that I can't see the train coming until it already hits me.
My holiday hasn't been as restful as it could be because of this being constant on my mind. None of the leads or managers know about this. I'm not sure who else knows of my mistake. D the big mouth probably told everyone. I've no clue what to do.
I want to quite and run away. I want to work somewhere else. I can't though. I just bought a condo and a new car. I need this job. I really hope I don't get fired. I don't think I will, but I'm scared to death.
I don't know what to do. I'm so useless and I really hate myself right now. How do I fix this? What do I say?
I want this to be all over. I hope it's not a big deal.
It's been over a year. I can't believe how much time has gone by.
I'm still at B. I'm enjoying what I do. I've gotten the hang of things there. I'm more confident in what I do now. I still have doubts though. I feel like I should do more. I keep on wondering on how do I improve? I'm too scared to ask though. I feel it's embarrassing to ask. I get comments that I'm doing a great job, but I feel like I'm not. There has to be more I can do.
Actually, in one area I know where I definitely need improvement. My communication skills. They just suck. I can't send out a proper understandable email. I can't explain anything clearly. I'm trying to work on it. I'm trying to prepare what I'll say a head of time. It helps. The downside is, I end up spending too much time thinking things through and/or a question is asked and I've no clue on how to reply because I haven't thought of it. ><
I want to get better. I need to seriously pay attention when someone talks to me. I have to really thing things through and not leave stuff to the last minute.
I want to write more, but it's all just whining. Everything is jumbles, but the main points are so clear.
I can't stay the person I am, but I'm afraid to change. I don't want to change either. It is so troublesome and scary. It's the best though.
I think I'll end here. I'll just keep on rambling.
I've been at B for about 3 months now. So, far I'm enjoying it here. The work isn't too bad, but shows I'm sadly lacking in knowledge of the background information. I have to start studying and learning stuff. It's hard trying to teach yourself lessons on bacteria, because you've no clear guideline on what to learn. I'm still in the training stage, but I'm being given more duties to do.
I'm still uncertain and uneasy about my place here. I'm not sure if I really belong here. I'll give it time and see what happens.
I'm still have trouble sleeping. I stay up late at night thinking about B. How should I fit in? What should I do to improve? What were the mistakes I made? Why did I make them? Will I get in trouble? These thoughts just go around and around my mind. I just replay the day over and over. I have to stop. The worry and stress is getting to me. I think I'll learn over time.
I've a paranoid streak. definitely about people. I can't help think my coworkers don't like me much. This may be just all in my heard. I give off the feeling that I'm a loner. I try not to. I've started talking more and share my private life more. It may not be enough. I guess this is another wait and see thing.
B did something shocking last week. They fired a girl. She was only here for about a month. I don't think she did anything to warrant being fired. It was really harsh of them to do so. I've heard that she would interrupt people talking, not do her work and try to reschedule things. I think she was just overeager to prove her self and to get some stuff done. She was a really nice girl and I liked her a lot.
I feel so bad for her. This was her first job and to be fired from it in a month. This experience could really kill her self confidence. It's hard to for seasonal workers to be fired. It'll really hurt a complete newbie. She's young, only 22. They could have taught her the proper way to do things and guide her, but they just fired her. She was a temp, so they probably felt that was unneceessary. What's also strange was her boss was on vacation when she was fired. So the other managers were the one that fired her. Icky business now.
I wish her well and luck. I hope she gets better soon and finds a better future than B could have gave her.
It's been a month since I started my new job. It's going ok. I'm not as nervous nor do I dread it as much. I'm still in the training stage. It takes forever to be trained on anything. One task takes about a week and a half to be trained on. It's B way of training that takes so long. You have to watch the trainer twice and perform the duty supervised 3 times before you're considered trained.
I'm not as troubled about being in the Biotech/Biology field as I was before. I'm enrolled in college again. I'll be going to night school for accounting. I'm going to have that as a back up. If I still hate what I do at least I've another skill to work on.
I still don't know what I my goals in life are.
Lately, I've been thinking of marriage and children. I don't think they'll be in my future ever. I can't picture myself married with children. I don't like the responsiblity at all.
I really have to figure it out somehow.
Right now I'm going through a major change in my life. I just got a job as a Quality Control Microbiologist at B. Yay. It pays great and has lots of great benefits.
Truth be told, I'm not really excited about the job. In fact, I don't want it.
I don't want to work. I actually hate Biology. I'm completely unsuited for it. I only majored in it in college, because I couldn't think of any thing else to major in.
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I've no ambitions and no dreams. All I ever do is just watch my Asian dramas, read manga and sleep.
I've decided to go back to school this fall. I'll be majoring in accounting. It'll be night classes. So, I'll work as a Microbiologist during the day and go to school for accounting in the night. Accounting will be a backup. Something else for me to do.
I don't know where I'm going in life. I wish I had a goal. I really envy and am jealous of people who are driven by dreams or goals.
Here's the summary of the manga Bathroom Guuwa Story that I took from the site Mangafox.
Bathroom Guuwa Story is about three women are invited to a young man's house with only a letter and an address to guide them. Izumi, the man's neighbor, knows he moved out some 17 years ago. While waiting, the four women contemplate the part of their lives associated with the kind man, Yamamoto Hiroyuki. Heartbreaking and cathartic, Bathroom Guuwa Story tells the story of the maturation of four women from their experiences with a quiet, patient and proud man.
It's a really lovely story. One of my favorites. It has a quiet atmosphere, which helps you relate to the 4 women in the story.
You can find it here.
The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read (skipping this part, cause... I can.)
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (I read the first book.)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo